Andreas Beck Boy Mind

Sebastian, 17.
It always starts with me becoming good friends with all the other students and making it as one of the popular guys in my class, but after a few months it changes and I am not popular anymore. Then I move to another school. My friends don´t stick around and it's frustrating.
I believe that there is something wrong with me.
I have asked friends to tell me what is the problem, but they won’t tell me.
I feel sad and excluded
Right now I am attending my eighth school.

Aske, 17.
I've known it all my life. I was born gay, and when I was 15 years old I came out. I have never been so relieved in my whole life. It was as if a big stone in my stomach disappeared.
When I told my best friend, he said that he had always known.

I lost a lot of guy friends. They could not accept it. I think they were scared and afraid that I would fall in love with them.
When I was in tenth grade, I was bullied a lot. The boys always kept a distance of ten meters to me. Sometimes people threw pencils at me. There were also some who shouted "homo" and "shoot yourself" at me. On Facebook, the other boys in my class, voted if I could to come to parties. It was pretty bad and ended up with me having some absences from school.

My first relationship lasted a year. It turned out that the guy I saw had been seeing others, while we were together. He was also the first person I had sex with. I was really upset. I felt betrayed and embarrassed that I had been with him. Many young homosexuals want to experiment before they are quite sure whether they are gay or not. That is not what I want.
I want to have a relationship.
My parents are totally cool with my sexuality. For I am still their son and they love me.
Though I am like everyone else and just want love, people think I am abnormal.
It does not matter if you're in love with a girl or a boy. It's just love.

Mikkel, 16.
When I started in high school, I met a girl. We saw each other for two months. It was the first time I had something that seemed like a real relationship.
After one of my friends got a girlfriend and I saw how they were together, I also wanted to have one to be close to.

We met at a party where with common friends. We started to chat and hang out. Officially we were not sweethearts, but we didn’t kiss with anybody else
It was some wonderful months. The colors seemed brighter and everything else did not matter.
For the most part, we were just hung out and watched movies.
When I say it out loud, it sounds boring, but at the moment I felt happy.
All of a sudden we stopped being together.

I was really upset. All of a sudden the intimacy disappeared.
The days became darker. It ended up not being about the breakup. I just felt alone.
I kept it to myself but I should have talked to my friends about it.
I have tried to talk about feelings with some of my guy friends. It seemed a little strange. The attitude is different when I'm with the boys.

When I think back, I can see that it was more the feeling of having someone close to me, that made me happy and not being together with her specifically.

I do not think that love is something you have to go around looking for. If you meet someone you like and have similarities with, you should just take it slow. Then maybe you can become close
It's that simple.
One should learn from the things that happen with one.
It's the only way you can grow.

Jacob, 15.
I do not think there are any obstacles in being a teenager.
It is important to me what people think of me.
As far back as I can remember, I have always been popular.

In my circle of friends one is respected if he has had sex with a girl, but these days I believe that girls are a little overrated and don’t think about them as much as I have done.
I was with my ex-girlfriend for seven months. Before I got a girlfriend, I absolutely obsessed with girls.

The first times we had sex, was the first time for both of us. We had been dating for one month. There are many who say that it is awkward the first time, but it was very cool.

I think the other boys look up to me, because I think it's cool to act nicely, cheeky, uncaring and because I hook up with girls.
I am not indifferent towards the girls.
When you are indifferent you think that you are better than them. That is not cool.
It's nice to know that people think I'm good at something. If they do, I get a little extra confidence

I do not like alcohol, so I do not drink at all. I know some who like to show that they drink. The take pictures and send Snapchat videos, where they say they are drunk.
I think it's lame.

Jonas, 14.
I go to school with children who live in perfect families where mom and dad are there all the time. They have never experienced the real world.
My mother is bipolar. She may get sick anytime. She can sit and cry and not wanting to live anymore. She has tried to end her life six times.
The day she manages, I am afraid that my whole world will collapse.

The first time she was hospitalized, I fell asleep at her place but woke up at my fathers.
Before mom got a boyfriend, I thought that I was the cause of her illness. I was the only one at home, so I had to be the reason. I was also the only one to help her. I have always found it difficult to concentrate in school.
I keep thinking if my mother would commit suicide when I was not home.

I prefer to be away when she’s ill. That way I don’t have to look at it.
When she is sick today, I'm still mad at myself. Then I just run away from it all.
I like to climb up on a roof and let my thoughts flow.

I am about to start a boarding school. It is the fifth school I am attending.
For a period some kids at my former school made "your mamma jokes" about my mother. I got instantly furious. They did not know that my mother was ill. I feared that they would tease me about it if they knew it.
When I was overweight I was bullied and called "fatso".

My father taught me that when people bully you, you have to hit back so hard that they don’t do it again. So I did - each time.
Once I hit a guy with a chair. I did not know what I was doing. It just felt right.

I often get told that there are a lot of other children who have sick parents so I wonder if they are having as hard a time as I do.
I wish that I could cure my mother, but I can not.
When my mother is having a good day, I'm happy.

Olliver, 18.
Up until 6th grade I was the classic nerd with glasses and braces. During those years I was bullied like never before.
Because of the way I look, I got the nickname Harry Potter. The older I became, the more sexual a turn took the bullying.
One day after a gym class, all the other boys took my clothes from from the dressing room. When I came back to class wearing only my towel, the rest of the class stood and waited. Just when I came in, a boy who pulled my towel away.
From that day they called me Harry Blotter (Flasher in Danish).

From the first day at my new school, I wanted to make a good impression. I changed my clothing style, I got contact lenses and my braces came off.
It was a whole new world with parties and friends. People began talking to me and the best looking girl in school and I became sweethearts.
I had never tried anything like it.

The biggest challenge has been to become more confident.
For me recognition is really important.
I like when people pay attention to me and the things I do. By then I know that I am accepted.
I feel that my parents think, I don’t perform well when it comes to my studying.
If I've got the grade 7( grade c in Denmark) in a home assignment, I can almost see the disappointment in their eyes.
My mom says I can become a garbage man as long as I am happy. I don’t believe her.
Bullying at school has left its mark on me. When people reject me, I am really unsure of myself and think that I'm not good enough.
I always think about the things I do.
I do not want to disappoint the people who are around me.

Anders, 18.
As a child, I was not shy. Perhaps the shyness came with my asthma. I was eight years old when I was diagnosed. I remember that I suddenly felt handicapped.

When I am shy, I can not figure out what to say. Then I just say something meaningless. If I'm considering doing something socially I always consider the outcome.
I do not want to show my weaknesses. I am not able to ask if I can borrow something from others. The fear is to get a rejection and look silly.

It has something to do with a little uncertainty about myself.
It would be great if the shyness disappeared. Then I could talk to everyone.
I'm not so good at saying hi to girls.
You meet girls at parties. I would say that my type of girl is quiet and calm, but I have not met her yet.
Having a girlfriend could be very nice, but so far I wait.
Sometimes alcohol helps a bit, but I do not like to get drunk.

I know that you can get rid of shyness.
Practice makes perfect.
You just need to learn that the world is not dangerous.
It takes some time.

William, 19.
I have always been a laggard. I was born in the month of December as the youngest in my family, so I've always been the small one both in school and in my family.
My siblings are five and six years older than me. I have found it difficult to get close to them and become part of the group. It was not until I was 17 that I could talk properly with them and really feel that sibling relationship.
Before then I was the little brother that was irritating and went on their heels.
When my peers began to evolve, I also wanted to be one of the big ones. I wanted to be like to be older and just as smart as them.
To act older, I started early to grow a beard. It has not helped that much. Sometimes I feel as if my father cannot accept that I'm older. I have become very serious and responsible, and I have developed a lot.
I'm not grown up, but I know anything about it.
In elementary school, I was the one who would always get teased without saying stop.
I thought it was better than not getting any attention.

I would like to be recognized as part of a group. When you become a part of a group, it feels like being part of something bigger.
You're an adult when you do not care where the hierarchy is.
When you begin to be sure about who you are.
That's what and who I tried to become.
It was hard at first because when I finally spoke out, no one took it seriously.

Only later I could be myself and not care about what other people thought about me.
It was tough to push myself.
I have learned to take a lot of responsibility.
I think I'm well on the way to being the person I want to be.
I want to be something. I do not need to be famous, but I would like to have a status saying:
This is me. This is what I stand for.

Oliver, 16.
My parents divorced when I was nine years old. Before they divorced they argued all the time. I repressed everything from my childhood up until their divorce.
I was in court to testify against my father. It is one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been in. My younger brother and I moved with our mother.
When we visited our father, he drove around with us in his car and kept an eye on our mother. Then we were taken from him. Our mother took my brother and me to a women's center.

In elementary school, I had a teacher who said I was gay. He called me and three other boys for Gay 1,2,3 and 4. It was not nice to be called something you were not. I did not dare to go to school, I had a stomachache and I always went to the toilet before I going to school.
My self-esteem was already scraping the bottom due to the divorce, and my teacher pushed it all the way down, so I wasn’t able to do anything.
In 6th grade, I was totally broken mentally. When I was in school, I put up a façade and when I got home I lost it. I did not think I could overcome my trouble and I made plans to take my own life.
When I got suicidal thoughts, I talked to my mother.
She calmed me down and helped me getting the worst thoughts away.
My mother has always been there for me.

I am very much into my body. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think that I could have bigger muscles or that I have become a bit fat. It all originates from my bad self-esteem

Today I want to say that I calmed down and feel good, but I still need to work with to believe in me.

Nicolai, 18.
Loneliness is bad when you see that others are not lonely.
Throughout my childhood, I had a hard time to bond with normal children. I only went to class with eight children who also had special needs. It did not make it easier.
Until I started at a boarding school, I had always gone to a special class because I have ADHD, which means that I lack some social skills.

As a child, I felt very lonely. I only started to get real friends in the 7th grade, but I still had not learned to thrive among normal children.
I started in a club where I met other children through role-playing. At one point I was told that there were many who did not like me. They think I had too much energy. I ran around and poked people. I was really annoying but I just tried to make friends quickly.
The other kids thought I was too pushy.
So I felt lonely again.

Today I am not lonely.
I'm still afraid off being lonely, despite the fact that I can not feel my ADHD anymore.
I will not return to solitude.
Today my big worry is that people do not want me to do well. When I receive criticism today, I find it hard to realize that it is meant by a good intention.
I cannot help but think that it is malicious.

Loneliness is worst when you have felt it disappear earlier.
As one of the only things, I fear death.
When you die, you can not fight back.
I have fought my way back from loneliness

Boy mind